Okay, so basically I just felt like writing a list of things that have recently occurred to me. They're basically all super common sense things, but things that have actually made a difference in my life lately.
1) Compatibility does not necessarily translate into chemistry... and chemistry does not necessarily translate into compatibility...
I realized half of this lesson because my ex and I have ridiculous chemistry. I say "have" because our personalities haven't changed at all. We think each other are hilarious. It's just a fact. I know for a fact that if he and I were to start talking to each other again, we would probably just fall back into the old swing of things because the chemistry doesn't just go away. But were we good for each other? Hell no. We disagree on virtually everything and our life goals were completely opposite. We are ridiculously incompatible.
The other half of the lesson because I like this guy, he's awesome. He and I have the same interests, same sense of humor, same life goals, same views on things... but I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to, or just because there is some thing that is standing between us even being friends. I don't know. But we are suuuuuper compatible... but as far as I can tell, the chemistry just isn't there.
2) Our worst enemy is our own opinion of ourselves.
This is something that I realized just during this school year... and I've only been here for two weeks. As I said in a previous blog post, last school year was super horrible for me. I didn't know how to make friends and it was super awkward. I didn't think anyone wanted to be around me, and therefore I didn't act in such a way that seemed like I had any desire to be included. That's so dumb. I spent the entire second semester of school completely lonely because I didn't allow myself to have friends. The worst part of it was that I was telling myself that I was trying very hard to make friends. But I kept telling myself that they didn't want me around, and that's because I didn't think I was worth being around. So, my own opinion made it so I had the worst semester of my life.
3) Sometimes when you're trying to make friends, you'll be tempted to act the way that you think those potential friends want you to act. Don't do that. It's so dumb. You won't even be able to enjoy their company because you're not being yourself.
Obviously this is a lesson that everyone has taught everyone every day for ever. It's so cliche and totally common sense... but it's really important to take it to heart. There are at least a billion people who you would get along with wonderfully. Obviously you're never going to meet a whole billion people, but there are probably at least 10 anywhere within a 1 mile radius of yourself. So why would you spend all your time trying to impress people that won't like the real you when there are people who will so close by? Also, another thing is... often times we think that people won't like the real us, and in all actuality, if we were to just let them see that side of us, they would LOVE it.
That occurred to me yesterday when I was in a big group of people and I was holding my goofy side back. I never actually acted the way I would if I was 100% comfortable around these people, but the entire time I was hanging out with them, I just kept thinking, "you know, if I was comfortable around them, I would do _______ in this situation." All I kept thinking was, "well, why don't I do that now then? That's the way I WOULD act... so why aren't I now?" I never did it though... as I said... 'cause that awesome guy that I mentioned ^^^ there... well he was there too... and I didn't want to make him not like me. Haha. But that's the point I'm making. If he doesn't like the me that I actually am, then obviously he's not the person I should be trying to impress anyway.
4) You just gotta let things go.
I spent around a year trying to move on from my ex. And I know that I mention him a lot, but honestly that's because the majority of the real life experiences and lessons that God has been teaching me have stemmed from that experience. So I'm sorry if you're sick of hearing about him, but I'm a dramatically different person with a dramatically different view of myself because of what happened with him. So. Yeah... anyway...
After about five months of dating him, I was trying to stop liking him because I knew that the relationship wasn't healthy and I knew that I shouldn't want to be with him. I kept telling myself that things would get better, that he would change, that he would treat me well, etc etc etc, if I just gave it more time. But I was miserable. I was crying myself to sleep all the time, I was throwing my phone because I was just so mad, I was yelling, I was treating everyone else horribly because I was in such a bad mood, it's just ridiculous the person that I became because I was so miserable. He did not make me strive to be a better person... he made me feel lucky if I made it through the day without killing someone. He made me feel so angry at everything. I didn't trust him. It was so dumb. We broke up three times... and I couldn't let it go. As I mentioned ^^^ up there, we have ridiculous chemistry, he was my best friend and no one has ever been able to make me laugh that hard, ever. I kept holding onto that. I kept letting myself think that there would never be anyone else that I could enjoy being around as much as him. That's soooo stinkin' dumb. So I dated him two more times after that because I just couldn't let myself let him go. I couldn't make myself let go of all that I had given to him, and I couldn't make myself let go of the future that we had planned. I couldn't let go of any of it... but now I finally can. I am finally able to look at myself and realize that I am worth loving, and I am worth better treatment than the way he treated me, and so many different things.
When you realize that you're worth more than what you're hanging on to, it becomes so much easier to let go of it. I am so glad.
5) To go along with number 4... Every now and then, you need to evaluate your friendships.
It seems a little ridiculous at first glance to say that sometimes you should sit down with yourself and evaluate the people you're allowing to have a large place in your life... but it's so important. You become like the five people you spend the most time with. Obviously that's not a hard and fast rule, but it's a pretty good estimate... So if you are best friends with someone who is selfish, unforgiving, manipulative, and too prideful to say they're sorry... what type of person do you think that will make you? Either you will become like that to other people, or you will become someone that they walk all over. Neither of those options are ideal. Obviously there are other types of bad friends, but that's my personal experience.
As followers of Jesus Christ, we deserve friends who are going to be uplifting and encouraging. Friends who are forgiving and don't hold grudges. Friends who are willing to admit when they've done wrong, and who are willing to apologize. Friends who think that the friendship is worth taking the time to sit down and sort out all the kinks that are destroying the friendship. Obviously not everyone who could possibly stumble across this blog is going to be a follower of Jesus, but I'm going to make the claim now that as human beings, we deserve those sorts of friends.
So since all humans deserve to have uplifting friends, all humans should really evaluate their friendships. Maybe the person you spend the most time with is not an encouraging friend who makes you want to be a better person. Maybe you have a good friend that does make you want to be better, but you just don't spend as much time with them... perhaps you should place more value on the friend who uplifts you and encourages you to be a better person. I have really been looking at my friendships lately, and I have been realizing that I have been placing value on a friendship that does not make me into a better person, and I need to stop that.
6) Christ-centered relationships are better relationships.
I have been finding lately, that the friendships that I have that spend the most time talking about God and the things that I have been learning through praying and reading my bible, are the best, most rewarding relationships that I have. I think that is how it will always be for Christians. I can be feeling extremely bogged down and just drained, but when I spend almost 4 hours talking about things God's been showing me, or even things that God has been showing the other person (because conversations are obviously more than one sided), I feel so rejuvenated and like I can take on the entire world. It's amazing! I am so blessed to have such amazing women that I get to spend most of my time with at school!!!
7) Being alone isn't bad.
Although things are a lot better now that I think more highly of myself and I'm back at school, that doesn't mean that every second of every day is spent with another person. For a few minutes today, I was starting to feel a little alone because there was no one around to be around or eat dinner with. Then I had to stop myself and be like, "okay, just because everyone already has plans does not mean that they don't like you, and besides, if you have dinner by yourself, you get to listen to whatever music you want, or you get to read your Bible and pray." And then I was okay with it!
I think that people need to learn how to be alone without being sad about it. If you're always around people, when are you spending time with God? When are you learning to depend solely on Him? When are you spending time with your thoughts and evaluating the changes that you need to make in your life? Obviously those things can be done in groups, but God can't work on you individually if you never give him your undivided attention. Yes, we are to be around other people, even when we are studying the Word, but we are also supposed to take time by ourselves to learn about God and to listen to Him.
So yeah, it's healthy to be by yourself every now and then! And it's healthy to realize that even if you want to be around people and they're all busy, that does not mean that they don't like you.... apparently I am not as good at liking myself and thinking positively about myself as I was hoping to be at this point. But that's okay! Life is all about progress. If you have an insecurity, it will be something that you struggle with every second of every day for the rest of your life. So the best you can do is catch the thought when it attacks you, face it, and refute it with the truth and God's word, then just let it go.
